Dear Kourtess Ann,

There’s this guy I went on a date with a year ago. It was awkward. No sparks. Six months later, he matches me again—not because he’s interested, but because he wanted to complain about online dating. Cool, fine. Then he disappears.

Fast forward to now—he’s matched me AGAIN. And then he super swiped me. But here’s the kicker: he has my number. He could’ve just texted me if he actually wanted to talk.

What is this nonsense? Is this just a man thing, or have I unlocked some kind of bizarre glitch in the dating matrix?

Sincerely,
Digits Available

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Dear Digits Available,

Oh, love. You’re out here thinking you’ve unlocked a glitch, but no, darlin’—you’ve simply stumbled upon a man who thinks he’s the protagonist of every woman’s story.

Let’s break this down:

He had your number.
He didn’t use it.
Instead, he tried to match you again.
When that didn’t work, he thought Super Swiping was the grand romantic gesture that would win you over.

What, pray tell, is going on inside this man’s head? Does he think he’s in a long-lost lovers’ montage, dramatically swiping through time and space while Adele plays in the background? BECAUSE HE COULD HAVE JUST TEXTED YOU.

Darlin’, this ain’t a relationship—it’s a subscription renewal attempt. And guess what? We’re out of stock.

Now, if he texts you? Feel free to ignore it. If he matches you again? Start charging rent. But please, for the love of all things felt, do not entertain this circus.

Ropefully yours,
Kourtess Ann

Dear Kourtess-Ann,

I need some advice. There’s this guy—sweet, charming, always texting me first—but I swear, it’s like he only reaches out when he needs to vent. He tells me all about his problems, asks for my advice, and barely ever asks about me. But the second I need something? Crickets.

We’re not dating, but sometimes it feels like we are—except I don’t get any of the perks, just the emotional labor. Is he into me, or am I just his unpaid therapist?

Sincerely,
Wanting More

Dear Wanting More,

Oh, love. Well you sure ain’t his girlfriend—emotional support cushion at best. Trust me, that is not the vibe.

Let’s get this straight—when a bloke likes you, he don’t just dump his problems on you like a broken record and then disappear the second you need something. No, no, no. That man would be showing up. Asking about you. Taking you out. Making you feel desired, not just convenient.

Now, you wanna know if he’s into you? Simple test, love: Stop being available. Don’t be his cozy little therapy couch. See if he sticks around when you stop solving his problems. If he does? Maybe there’s something real there. If he don’t? Congratulations, you just got your free time back.

Either way, you’re no one’s unpaid emotional maid, love. Time to pack up the feelings and move the hell on.

Ropefully yours,
Kourtess Ann